The cat is wanted

As you can see, I have a lot of neighbors.























One bad habit I have developed in Japan is thinking of many things as uniquely Japanese. For example, I have learned recently through my cousin and friend
that both Seattle and Portland have cherry blossoms.
I guess the fun of the cherry blossoms here is getting
excited about it with everybody else.












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I think that I am getting better with the children, but one problem I have is that I am often so impressed by them, especially the quick learners, that I forget they are kids. Part of this is also that their personality doesn't always come across clearly in just minimal English and body language. I have one class of two elementary school kids (this is really way too small. One thing that I find ridiculous here is a love of small classes. My humble experience has led to me to believe that kids learn better in groups) and the girl in that class is always a puzzle to me. Sometimes she likes to try but most of the time he is just kind of listless and I have a hard time getting her involved. Usually I just think she hates me and therefore hates English.

This week we did "what's in the cup?" a very easy (for the teacher) and popular activity, good for calming the kids down after something high energy. You just take a stack of paper cups and put something small in each one. It is good if some of them make noise. There should be good things, the kids love coins even if they can't keep them, and some crappy ones, like a picture of a toilet. I just put anything that is my drawer in the cups. It is surprising how popular the rubber bands are. Anyway, the kids say "what's in the cup?" then choose one and say what they find inside. You can also use this to teach "nothing." Well, this stupid little game is the one thing I have found that the girl really likes. This week there was a little porcelain cat (found in my office) in one of the cups, but her classmate got it and not her. After this she got all pouty and said in Japanese things like, "gee...that's a nice cat...isn't that a nice cat?...Oh..I want a cat like that." I couldn't understand everything, but that was the general gist I think. This was so surprising! I had no idea she was passive aggressive.

These dancing pants

Trying on my suit tonight for my pre-interview rite (more on that later) brought me back to last year when I bought it. Wearing nice clothes, like a cocktail dress or a suit, is so different from other clothes. For one thing, when clothes are well tailored, with the waist at the actual waistline and the shoulders and wrist falling in the right places, they let you know a little about what has happened to your body. A little means a lot. To summarize: it is a tad too snug, but on the plus side I look a lot more like I deserve to be wearing an Italian suit. As said Shania Twain, "man..." Don't make me write the rest, get a radio.

I love my pant suit and I suppose I like the memories of senior year that it brings back. Among them are Filene's Basement Union Square, where I bought it. I remember a time when I could walk in somewhere and find clothes that fit me. I also remember my former roommate when I think of Filene's, as the love of that store may have been the only thing we had in common. She was a great dresser and I would have found her an interesting person if she were on TV, far far away from any actual contact with me.

But now is not the time for sour grapes! Tomorrow I get to wear a suit in Tokyo, which for whatever reason is something I have wanted to do since I have been here. For those of you who knew me back in my American life and don't know that my current school is closing--why the hell are you not in email contact with me?! Anyway, I have decided that if I can live in Tokyo I want to stay in Japan. My interview tomorrow may not lead to an offer in Tokyo, or an offer at all, but at least I get some more interview practice and a chance to wear my suit...in Tokyo. Hope it can stand up to the commute.

A foreign jazz musician I met in New York told me that even if you don't practice your music gets better in New York. I swear I know what he means now, maybe. Even if I don't do anything my Japanese gets better in Tokyo. This is how I feel about cities in general and part of why I don't want to stay in Utsunomiya anymore--there is something about the energy of a city like New York, like Tokyo, that allows you to learn new things even if you are not necessarily looking for them, and even more when you are.

***

I have to mention here that I have a new hero (the list includes Bill Waterson, and Marjane Satrapi). To the right you will see among my links one to "being a broad" this will take you to a book by Caroline Pover and also a link to her company, Alexandra Press. She came to Japan a few years ago and noticed, as anyone who could sing the song mentioned in the first paragraph would, that things are different here for the men and the women. From this she wrote her book and self-published it and started her company (I don't really know all the details, but I think that is the basic order). I found her book really good and moreover was very grateful to her responding to my email of thanks. My college roommate freshman year used to drive herself crazy thinking about how "there is nothing new under the sun," meaning all the good ideas have been had. I found this especially interesting because despite the fact that I didn't agree with her she seemed to be the one with all the good ideas and ambition. There are good ideas to be had and it is interesting to learn about people who have had them.

At the risk of getting sued by Jeff Foxworthy...

You know you're a foreigner if

your laundry is currently getting rained on and its going to have to stay there all night.

The stereotypes are true!

It was great to have my cousin and his friend in town for the past weekend. One of the best parts was having them think I speak Japanese really well and know what I am doing here. Neither of those things is true but I know that when you are first in Japan it can seem impenetrable and it is easy to be impressed by people who can hold their jaw up in this crazy place. I still have the same feeling when I hear people who speak Japanese. My cousin kept saying, "but the Japanese say you really good too." hahaha I told him that the Japanese will say this after you say one word, but he can choose to believe what he likes. It was fun for me to be able to see Japan through fresh eyes too.
***

This article came up on google news, "What the bloody hell does it mean? Slogan baffles Japanese." Apparantly,

Teaching Japan to swear is too bloody hard. The catchiest punchline in years has proved impossible to translate into Japanese, leaving Tourism Australia to ask: "So, why don't you come?
Print advertisements with the English-language scrawl "So, where the bloody hell are you?" have had the new line added for Japan. It will also be used in TV and radio broadcasts.

It goes on to say, "swearwords are virtually unheard of in Japan, so there is no equivalent to 'bloody.'" Moreover, "the stereotypes about the extreme politeness of the Japanese are true. Supermarket cashiers bow to customers and airport baggage handlers assemble to bow to arriving planes." I don't know why I find that last line so terrible/hilarious, it is pretty much like the crap I write here. But my real problem with the article is the claim that the Japanese have no swear words. I will have to ask someone who actually knows this language but I am sure that when the men are out drinking together they have some lads only language they love to break out.

This is also amusing to me because it is so earnest. I imagine someone being awestruck by the bowing and wide-eyed thinking you can't bloody say bloody? What a paltry language.

"Tourism Australia's general manager in Japan, Kazunori Hori, yesterday spent several minutes during the launch of the $21 million campaign in Tokyo carefully explaining in Japanese the idea of mateship to an audience of travel industry representatives." "Mateship" is characterized by friendly rudeness, which does seem to be an oxymoron in Japan. I wonder what the guy said in Japanese. Maybe something like this: the stereotypes you have head about the Australians are true. If you like someone you must never say anything positive to them or they will think you are lying. When people meet friends they will insult them to let them know how happy they are too see them. This is called "sarcasm" and their language has almost no words that are positive.

On a personal note (I don't know which one exactly, but that's only because I am tone deaf). I can relate to the love of swear words in your own language. Part of missing English means that whenever I speak it now the curse words come more easily. Also I discovered that I use "mad" as intensifier. Who knew. One stupid thing I wonder about the Japanese is what level of formality they think in. I think in swear words now, for whatever reason.

Japan

The repition of it all

I did my first night out in Roppongi this weekend, a long pilgrimage for those of us a train and two subways away. As promised, there were indeed many foreigners there, including some who might have been, as older Japanese sometimes warn, "dangerous." What is most dangerous of all is that I met people who claimed to have been going to the same place for 8, 10 years. What the hell must that be like? I don't know how many weekends I could take of that atmosphere, though I concede that the same place can be very different depending on your mood and who you are with. I love staying out all night, at times, but I find it much harder to do that when I am three hours away from home. Just the repition of it all: if you go to the same place all the time chances are that you will have the same conversation over and over.

The entry in wikipedia says, "many English teachers and academics turn up their noses at the district as being inauthentic and shallow." Well I never!
That is not the problem, the problem is the hilarity of it all. When I first started going out at night in foreign countries what struck me most about Brazil, and some other places too, was that people just seemed to enjoy themselves without overt displays of "Look at me! I am enjoying myself!" Things that fall into the latter category include serious fits of arbitrary laughter, exurbarant energy and countless photographs. Specifically, I remember two or so years ago being at the beach with my cousin and her friend singing Kid Abelha around the campfire thinking, "this is better." Now I don't know about all that, and I have less faith in my generalizations or my cultural eye, but I do know that the Japanese do shows of "look how much fun we are having!" better than anyone else I have met. There are many ways to do anything, like have fun, and this is one great way but you have to be willing to do your active share of the fun-having and meta-fun-having.

The repetion of it all: on the subway ride in the morning there was a beautiful Western girl who stood out for her clean shoes and the lack of mascara running under her eyes. Maybe she was still on Canadian schedule and trying catch some local flavor, whatever the case she didn't look like she had been partying it up. I wasn't the only one whose attention she caught, as a Japanese man started talking to her too, using his soft, "I'm a gentleman" voice.

--Where are you from?
--Canada.
etc. etc.

--Are you here...(holds one finger to his chin and searches for the right word. Then holds one finger up and looks sheepishly as if he hopes she is not offended.)...how do you say? (How you say is "are you alone!" The Japanese word he is trying to translate from is hitori goddamnit)...alone?
--yes.
--Oh really! (looks suitably impressed).
etc. etc.

--Are you...how do you say...chotto sabishi?...How do you say? hmmm....(Ahhhhhh! How you say is "lonely, homesick." What kind of idiot asks someone who is on vacation visiting Japan if they are homesick? What kind of people find it acceptable to ask if you are lonely? Is it better to be too old to get the stupid soft, "I'm a gentleman" voice, or does the stupid flattery of men make up for that crap?)...hmm...(wipes a fake tear from his eyes, then miraculously the word comes him)...homesick?
--No. (OF COURSE NOT!).


I hope the beautiful girl has a great time in Japan and I hope I do not go insane.

Japan

The excitement in the beginner`s hip-hop class does not end. Of the four different teachers, my favorite is still my first teacher, the only man, partly due to his use of "Conceited" for every warm-up. Nothing makes my day like the lyrics, "see I look too good to be getting with/ and I look too good to be having kids." The teachers are all excellent dancers, but maintaing that hip-hop image takes work. One teacher wears a fake butt underneath her sweatpants. I saw her putting it on one time--it looks like a big reverse fanny pack (now the name actually makes sense!). I am also impressed by the other students, all of whom can touch their torso to the ground with their legs spread out in front of them. Yet another goal for me. At first I thought that many of the women were in really good shape for 40, turns out they are probably closer to 60. No wonder they look too good to be having kids.

I'd recognize me anywhere

Under Construction

This blog has been designated ''under construction,'' not just because of my love for Missy Elliot, but because I have not yet been able to figure out how to do everything I want with the template. Until then check out my current blog (see links).

Mickey Mouse

In Sabbath`s Theater by Philip Roth a young German girl says to the title character:

"But then [Americans] are very friendly--`Hi, how are you doing?  It`s very lovely to see you.`  She enjoyed her imitation of an American dope and he laughed appreciatively, too.  "And you don`t even know this person.  Germany is very different," she told him.  "Here there`s all this friendliness--and it`s fake.  `Hey, hi, how are you?`  You have to.  The American way."

 

When I lived in New York my friend from Germany told me that one of the things he missed was the surly service you got in the fatherland.  In the U.S. in a restaurant you had people being nice to you just because they wanted tips. He hated the falsity of pretending you wanted to serve people.  In Germany, he told me, maybe you don`t like that you are serving people coffee and so you don`t pretend to.  I am also reminded of something my old Japanese friend said to me about how once when he was eating with some Russians they said that the waiters in Japan are like slaves, with all the servility and the (literal) genuflection.  This irked his ire, "no not slaves!  In Japan we have a saying, `the customer is like a king.`  So when you come to my restaurant I treat you well because I want you to come back, but then if I go to another restaurant I am the king.  Not a slave!"  Of course I agree with him and find the Japanese system best of all: no tips and quick, friendly service.  Moreover, the conflation of slavery with a desire to do your job well in a country with as low an unemployment rate as Japan`s is just using far too big a hammer. 

 

Is it fake to pretend you care about the dining experience of the people in your restaurant?  In some sense yes, but it is not fake to want to make money and do good business.  The cheeriness of Americans can grate on some Europeans, the humility of the Japanese can look pretty bizarre to Westerners, and the over-the top facial expressions of Americans must appear barbaric at times to the Japanese, but these are all examples of not knowing the codes rather than a comment on the inherent value of the various systems.  When saying "how are you" is just a comforting thing to do, a knee-jerk reaction that allows you to catch your breath before making further conversation (as it is to me) it is not fake, though I can understand how it could seem pretty mickey-mouse at times.  What is the point of always asking how someone is and never caring?  A analogous experience I had here in Japan was what to make of all the smiling. 

 

It is also interesting that the girl uses the word "lovely" to parody Americans, when in my experience we rarely say that.  Maybe it was the thing to say before I got to New York, but when I hear my countrymen using that word my affectation meter goes off.  I am reminded of England and of my mother`s stories of when she was living there some odd years before my birth. When she was asked, "what brought you to England?" and responded "I want to learn English," she would often hear, "but you speak English so well!"  As my mother could not yet understand this she would ask her sister to translate and my aunt would say, "she said you speak English very well.  But don`t listen to her, stupid, she just means get the hell out of my country."

 

That said, I have a soft-spot in my heart for common courtesy, fake or not.  When you say something rude to someone it is not so much the comment that hurts, usually, it is the fact that in order to break the codes you must think pretty poorly of someone indeed.  At least this was what pissed me off the times in my life when people have found it acceptable to outwardly treat me like an idiot.  Or recently I heard someone justifying a nasty comment, made to someone else fortunately for me, with "well its true."  I thought I may be young and an idiot but you have to learn at some point that we don`t say things just because they are true.  Is this something that spreads across cultural lines?  I definitely think so, but of course the standards of how far you can go vary greatly. 

 

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Again, I have to link to the great Thomas Nagel essay "Concealment and Exposure."

Hello, is it me your looking for?

I have decided to move my blog over here to google. I want to thank MSN for their wonderful support and for teaching me what hyperlink means. I really cannot complain about their service, except that you get no props for being on spaces. Also, in their profile section under the choices for ''Humor? they don't have the option ''I'm not funny,'' which they really should do.